When I was blogging daily, I felt so alive, so in touch with His Word, and so purposeful in being a wife and a mother. When I received encouraging comments, I felt needed, I felt appreciated, and I had huge visions for writing a devotional book for stay-at-home moms, speaking at mothering conferences, and leading small groups for mothers. As my dedication dwindled, my visions started to fade. This made me so sad. Where did that passion go? Have pregnancy hormones truly sucked the passion out of me?! Well yes, some days they do :-) But, nearly every time I sat down to write, Caleb would need me, the phone would ring, my husband would want something, and my inspiration was zapped. My fuse is short (okay, nonexistant these days), and so the anger over not writing about being a happy and Godly mother overwhelmed me. The irnoy, huh?
Yes, I have done a smithering of posts over the past months, but you can tell that my heart has been elsewhere. It has been tired. The Holy Spirit and several other sources, namely my parents and my sweet friend, Rachael, have revealed to me that in order to be impactful in the Kingdom, we must make sure our needs are being met...not our wants, but our needs. If my bucket is empty, I'm of little use to my family or my ministry. If I have not allowed myself time for rest and spiritual/physical restoration, I can't do what He has asked me to do. I have began praying for times of rest. It can come in all types of duration and all forms of function. Today, my husband offered to take our son fishing with him for the entire day. You know what that means for a SAHM? A day off! What?!? I nearly fell over in shock when he suggested the idea. I had specifically been praying for a day where nothing was required of me. A selfish request, but I've identified my empty bucket and knew that a two-hour toddler nap wasn't going to fill it. Look how God provided! God has also shown me how other ways in which I choose to fill my time will drain me right now, instead of fill me. This can even mean time with friends, on Facebook, or catching up on your favorite Netflix show. I like all of those things, but they aren't filling my bucket right now. They are taking up precious time. I'm assured that it isn't forever, it's just for now. Sometimes we simply need to retreat, spend time with Him, and enjoy a 50% off Starbucks :-)
I want to encourage each of you that dry spells do not become unusable by Him. He has been working diligently on me behind the scenes. Namely, He has asked me to re-focus my blog. Jesus came to reach everyone, not just those people who were culturally like Him. If Jesus was in the business of isolation, imagine how many of us would not be spending eternity in heaven with Him. The name of my blog isolates mommies. Why would a working mother visit a blog titled, "Staying at Home and Making it Work?" Why would a mother who was forced to go back to work after a divorce want to subject herself to the pain of listening to another mother go on and on and on about the joys of staying at home? At times, I have discriminated in my writings. For that, I am sorry. Now, don't misread my heart. God has asked me to stay at home for my husband and my children. He has backed it up with scripture for both my husband and myself to read and accept, and He has blessed us in our obedience. I will still encourage women to consider the option. I will develop my "First Steps" page in order to offer practical life changes that can be made in order to achieve the lifestyle of full-time SAHMommyhood, and I will continue to write, as the Lord leads, towards the specific heart issues that I wrestle with as a stay-at-home mom. But, I will not define the words that God has asked me to share solely to the SAHMother.
I pray that you will continue to read, I pray that you will share this blog with your friends, and I pray that you will continue on the journeyhood of mothering with me! Join me next time as I explain the new blog title...Pillars of the Palace.
Be open to His changes in you. Be open to letting Him speak to you in your dry times. Be open to taking opportunities to run away with Him (to Starbucks, or wherever!). We are ever-changing creatures, mommies...created by Him to do His good works. We don't get to go to heaven until He has completed His work in us. Thank you for sticking by me as this page is under spiritual construction :-)
"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6