Heavy Hearts lead to Restless Sleep

Good morning!

You know it's been a busy day when I wrote the previous sentence, stepped away from the computer, and am just now sitting back down at 7:21pm! I have had all kinds of great topics that I felt led to write about lately, but I am lacking the most precious commodity in a mommy's life...time :-)

Have you ever been annoyed that our bodies need to sleep? Though I know I'm tired, I have recently found myself bothered by the fact that I need to shut it all down and call it a night. If only I didn't have to sleep, I could wrap more Thomas the Train presents, prepare for another Christmas get-together, continue working on my obsessive packing list for our upcoming 10-day vacation, scrub the baseboards (they've bugged me lately), or snuggle with my hubby. I gravitate towards busy work in order to relieve my stress. Odd, huh? I've always been like this, but it's difficult to recognize when I'm in the midst of a serious stress-load. Never was my CD collection or my closet in a more perfect order than during finals week in college :-)

As I sit here reflecting, I think about how we feel this burden as women (and especially as mommies) to keep it all together. Keeping the daily balls in the air proves to be much harder if we don't allow ourselves to work through our real stressors. The activities I listed above aren't my real stressors. The real things digging at my heart recently include some physical difficulties affecting my mother, the fact that we are preparing to celebrate our first Christmas without my Grandma, and the fact that this will be the first Christmas with my dad separated from my step-mother. The fact that the McNamee family reunion in Mexico will be nothing short of spectacular, but it will mean spending a Christmas away from my family...especially hard in light of this year's events. The fact that my sweet toddler has caught one bug after another for the past few months (seriously...is he secretly licking toilet seats or something?!) has taken an enormous toll on this momma, not to mention how much of it I've done alone, since my hubby has traveled an exceptional amount.

I'm not saying this to complain. I'm saying this in hopes that some of you will get real with me. Maybe the fact that I wrote these thoughts out will help me process through the heavy emotions that each of these situations present. Perhaps you could try it. I received some incredibly great health news yesterday, a direct answer to prayer from our heavenly Father...a statement we were waiting a year to hear from my neurologist. Jesus sweetly allowed these heavy burdens that I have tried to stuff away rise to the surface yesterday, of all days, including the "dark cloud of the unknown medical syndrome" that I had allowed to follow me every day for the past year. The fact that my close friends and family were crying tears of joy at the news while I overly faked enthusiasm was a huge wake-up call to me. I couldn't fully grasp this gracious gift of good health which He had laid in my lap, because I had not fully given my heavy heart over to Him.

I've cried a lot today. It's a good thing :-) Between runs to Target, Costco, the Christian bookstore, and aiding my flu-stricken toddler, I let my emotions come out a bit. He knows we're mommies. He knows we're human. He knows we get tired. He even knows that I create more work for myself when I'm trying to mask the heaviness of my heart. That's why He created rest. It shouldn't be something we get annoyed about! We should relish our time to rest, and show our gratefulness to Him.

I pray this post can be encouraging to you, and not just cheap therapy for me :-) Remember, our children are their best when we are at our best. This season, allow Him to heal your heart, show you reasons to celebrate, and provide opportunities for rest. Merry Christmas, mommies.