If We Trust Him, then We Must Trust him...

Welcome back! I had a huge epiphany this weekend. Like monumental. Like, my marriage will forever be changed, for the better, if I can keep this up. Let me give you some background...

Last week at my mommy bible study, we watched a study video featuring speaker, Elizabeth George. She is fantastic, and I always enjoying hearing her speak and learning from her vast amount of womanly wisdom! This particular session taught on how to have a heart for your husband. Given the crankiness I felt for my husband due to a few choice comments he had made about my birthday the night before, I was less than enthused to learn how to love him more. I know...a real godly attitude, huh? Then, I nearly became nauseous as she listed all of the ways I could spoil him rotten, while secretly dreaming of a day when I might be spoiled rotten. Again, I was more than cranky. Finally, to top it off, she shared the recognizable verses about submission. Lovely! I was nearly crawling out of my chair. Not only was my attitude sour, but I could feel the Holy Spirit seriously convicting me as the minutes of our study ticked on. If I may share the verses with you...(Wow!...no joke, I just picked up my Bible and it opened right to the page that I needed in Ephesians. God cracks me up!)

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24 (emphasis added)

Like many of you, this was not the first (or twentieth) time I had read this. For heaven's sake, it was part of our wedding ceremony, spoken over us as we vowed to love each other for eternity. But on this mundane Tuesday in October, it hit me as never before. It is not suggested, it is not recommended, it is not asked, but it is commanded that we submit to our husbands, just as the church is to live in submission to Christ. We have already discussed in previous posts how our God is a God of order. Just as there is order in His church family of the congregation following the Pastor who follows Christ for the direction of the church, the same order is found in the family after God's own heart. The husband is subject to Christ, the wife is submissive to the husband, and the children are under the protection and guidance of the parental umbrella of the mother and father. 

Okay, I got it. It felt life-changing, and I was deeply remorseful of my behavior towards my husband over the years. But, as soon as I felt the true meaning and understanding wash over me, the immediate question followed..."But, God, what if Patrick makes a wrong decision?" Get this. Here is the impression I felt upon my heart from the Lord. "Kindra, that isn't your concern. Your concern is to follow your husband, and I will teach him the proper way to lead his family under My guidance." I then felt the Lord ask me if I trusted Him. Of course I trust Him. He is my Savior. I've known it from the time I was a little girl, and while I have veered off course from time to time, He has always been faithful to bring me back. So, in my heart, I felt His response of..."I appointed Patrick to be the leader of you and of your children. If you trust Me, then you must trust him. I don't make mistakes."

Here's the thing. There have been times, and there will be more times when my husband, and your husband, will take the wrong path, make the wrong choice, or lead us down a path that is not God's intention. Here's the cooler thing. Our God is a God of grace. Just as we are insanely imperfect mothers, our men are imperfect husbands and leaders. But, does it really build up their leadership abilities when we second-guess, judge, nag, or remind them that they are wrong? In my experience, no. As I think back over our nearly five-year marriage, most of the tension and problems that have occurred have not been because my husband has done some horrific thing that goes against the teachings of our Lord. Most of the time, like 99% of the time, it has been because I think I know better, I have the answer to the problem, or I simply want control of the situation. 

I'm a natural leader, I have a strong type-A personality, and frankly I enjoy having things under my control. Just as God doesn't make mistakes in families, he doesn't make mistakes with His creations, either. He gave me the opportunity to exercise those personality traits in many appropriate areas of my life. He gave me the gift of teaching so that I may control a whole classroom just as I see fit! I'm strong administratively, so the act of paying bills, organizing our home, and keeping t's crossed and i's dotted is a task that I welcome. He encouraged me to write. This blog is my own thing, under my logistical control, and it is something that is just for me and the women whom He chooses to bring to the site. He gave me the gift of a child, and in turn the opportunity to stay home, so that I may (under the guidance of Him and my husband) be the primary influence in our son's life. An area in which He did not give me full reign to exercise my leadership authority is with my husband. He simply asked me to submit to my husband.

Submit: 

• to yield oneself to the power or authority of another
• to defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc.

So, why is this so hard to do? Because the Father gave us free will. If we were womanly-shaped drones that replied "yes, Master" to anything our husband asked of us, there would be no exercise of self-control or willingness to obey the Word of God. God doesn't want to force us into anything, ever. He wants us to physically show the act of choosing Him. And, as I was hit over the head with this new revelation last week, I believe He wants to see us willingly choose to submit to our husband's judgments, opinions, and decisions. It is a sacrifice! Sometimes, I think my ideas are pretty great! But, I need to remember that my husband already thinks that I am pretty great. After all, he chose to marry me. I know my husband values my input, and he will come to me when he needs to know my opinion. But, usurping his authority by boldly shoving my opinions into his face rarely brings a pleasant outcome.

 

At the end of the day, I don't want to resist my husband or his opinions and decisions. Ultimately, I want to show him respect for the man that he is and for the place in which God has appointed him in the design of our family. I am called to be his helper...not his nagger, his spiritual reminder (wow...that is God's position!), his parental figure, his judge, or his taskmaster.

 

The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 (emphasis added)

 

I know this is heavy, I know this subject is controversial in today's society, but I also know when I have heard and felt a conviction from the Lord. If some of you may also feel conviction through my story, I pray it will be a tremendous blessing upon you, your husband, and your marriage. Next time, I will share about an experience that just happened, and how I chose to submit to my husband instead of yelling my opinion at him. It's a good one! I will also share about what we can do as wives to support our husbands. Today, and everyday, be blessed, mommies! See you next time! 

 

MMSM #53

Unless you toddle around with your sweet babies on a bike, we all have to buy gas. We also all have to buy groceries. Luckily, many grocery stores will help you out in this area. Kroger stores and Safeway stores (and I'm sure many others) will offer you money off on gas when you buy groceries. Recently when I filled up, I got 40 cents off a gallon simply by buying food and then using their gas station. Not a bad deal in today's world of disastrously high fuel prices. Many of you are probably already doing this, but if not, check and see if your favorite store gives a gas discount. If not, find a new store! Happy grocery shopping and fueling!