I worked outside the home for the first two years of my son's life. I only spent about an hour a workday of quality time with my son. I knew that he was being taken care of during the day at daycare, but I felt extremely resentful of my job. I spent my days taking care of other people's kids, but felt like I barely knew my own. The best part of staying home is really knowing my child and watching him learn, grow, and become the person he is going to be.
Amen to that! Thanks so much for your honesty in that post. While I have stayed at home with my son from the beginning, there was a long decision-making process that my husband and I ventured through together. Would our family be better off financially if I continued working? Would there be less pressure on my husband if I was financially contributing to the household? Could we find an affordable daycare that would actually justify my relatively small teaching salary? These were all excellent questions being asked in both of our heads, but the focus of the today's posting will, hopefully, encourage you to get these (and other) questions out of your heads and on to the table.
There is no way around it. If you are married, you must talk to your husband about money, and frequently. In my last posting about finances, I mentioned that I would be discussing tithing, talking, and trying...three practices that we have committed to doing in our home. Are we perfect at all three? Far from it! But, the longer you get accustomed to doing something, it usually becomes easier to do. Financial discussions are typically hot-button issues that come with a lot of emotional baggage. If you look back a few days at my post titled "Money Matters", you'll see that my husband and I had very different financial upbringings. Mix those two together, and you could have a world war on any given day in any given money conversation. Here's the thing that we have discovered...it is worth more to us to get something figured out than it is to fight about it. Over time, the Lord has gently and graciously pulled our financial personalities closer together on the money continuum. You and your husband may be polar opposites. Does that mean you will stay there forever? Not if you bring the topic into your prayer life and ask God for patience with one another. Psalm 103:8 says,
"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love."
We are called to aspire to the behaviors and characteristics of the Lord our God. If He is compassionate and gracious, then we should try to be also...even when it comes to talking about money. If you invite Him into this aspect of your relationships, He is faithful to show compassion and love a midst His teaching and re-direction on your financial course.
Dave Ramsey, our favorite Christian financial guru, talks about taking emotion out of financial conversations. We are called to be stewards of the money that God has given to each of us. If you think of it as someone else's money (which it is...it's all God's), then it should be easier to talk about it rationally, logically, and productively with your spouse. Maybe you set aside a time each week to take 15 min. and run through the budget. Monday-night money-talks, for example. Part of talking openly is giving each other the respect of true honesty. You should never hide money from your husband, be misleading about where money might be going, or straight out lie about financial matters. Along those same lines, your husband should give you the same respect.
If you find that you are in one of the situations mentioned or your finances have become totally haywire, consider bringing a trusted adviser into the conversation. Open communication did not always mean one-on-one talks in our household. Sometimes it is extremely helpful and calming to get someone else's opinion. We have done it on several occasions. Many churches offer free financial counseling. Seek out information at your local church, or contact a larger church in your area. Sometimes, larger churches have the resources to offer these services. My best piece of advice for encouraging open communication on money, especially if you're having trouble getting there on your own, is to take Dave Ramsey's FPU classes. Click on the "Dave Ramsey Website" link on the right side of my home page. His thirteen-week class will give you solid biblical financial principles that will, if followed, change your life.
Remember that with finances or any other subject, God desires us to live in peace...especially with our husband! Ask the Lord to speak to you through this final verse for today, in relation to your finances. 2 Corinthians 13:11 says,
"...Aim for perfection, listen to my appeal, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you."
Open communication with our spouse over money will be on ongoing learning process. If you are desiring to stay at home, or it just feels harder than it should be, why not try opening up an honest conversation. You need to know your husband's financial thoughts and feelings, and he needs to know yours. You pledged before God to love this man forever...let's get the finances figured out once and for all.
Don't forget to check the MMSM tab for today's money-saving tip! Be blessed!
Don't forget to check the MMSM tab for today's money-saving tip! Be blessed!
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